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Tag: pain

pain

Let go of the pain

We all have been hurt by someone at some time or another in our lives. We have been betrayed, treated badly, trust has been broken and hearts have experienced tremendous pain. Most times, we allow the pain to linger for too long that we relive the pain over and over again, having a hard time letting it go.

One basic thing that connects us as humans is our ability to feel pain be it emotional or physical. What differentiates us is how we handle the pain we are going through in life.

What exactly are you holding on to?

Is it a failed relationship? A slight from a friend or family member that you just cannot get over it? Have you been betrayed by a loved one or a trusted friend? Or do you need to forgive someone either in person or just in your heart so that you can let go of anger, hatred, bitterness, and step into a more peaceful state?

What you do with that pain is probably more important than the pain itself. Would you prefer to get back from being an emotionally active individual? Or do you prefer to ponder continuously about the past and something that cannot be changed?

How do I let go of past hurts and move on?

This is a question many of us ask ourselves whenever we experience heartache or emotional trauma/ pain. Things don’t disappear on their own. You need to commit to LET IT GO. If you don’t make this conscious decision, you could end up self-sabotaging any effort to move on from past hurt.

You need to realize that you have the choice to let it go. Stop reliving past pain. Stop going over the details of the stories in your head every time you think about it. Stop playing the victim and blaming others.

Being the victim feels good. It is like being on the winning team of you against the world. But guess what? The society largely doesn’t care,  so you need to get over yourself because you are special and your feelings matter.

Although,  your feelings matter it shouldn’t override you and make you feel nothing else matters. Your feelings are just one part of this large thing call life which is all interwoven and complex.

Forgive

Learn to practice forgiveness whenever you are hurt. Forgiveness isn’t a sign of weakness; forgiveness isn’t saying “I agree with what you did” rather, it is I don’t agree with what you did, but I forgive you anyway. Do it for your happiness, well being, and for the time you have left in your life.

There is nothing worse than holding onto resentment about someone or something for years while they happily move on with life. The reality is, doing this only hurts you. The most important thing is that we also have to learn to forgive ourselves. If you can’t forgive yourself, you won’t be able to live in future peace and happiness.

Never allow the person that hurts you in the past, control your happiness. You need to take responsibility for your happiness.  Never you put such power into the hands of someone else. No amount of rumination of analyses has ever fixed any problem. Never! Not in the entirety of the world’s history. So why choose to engage in so much thought and devote so much energy to someone who has wronged you?

Let go of your pain and stop reliving it. Stop telling yourself that story where you are the protagonist: you are forever the victim of the other person’s horrible actions. You cannot undo the past all you can do is to make today the best day of your life.

Every day you choose to hold on to the pain of yesterday is another day wasted. Enjoy the awesome moment’s life brings across your path

Learning to tolerate someone's excesses is one of the toughest tests to handle. Some individuals can stretch your patience level, but you must learn to tolerate them.

Tolerate everyone that comes your way

Learn to accept people for who they are. You will always come across the good, the bad, and the not so nice. That shouldn’t stop you from being you. At my place of work, I’ve come across very nice people. They make my job look so easy. I’ve also come across people that are so difficult. They make my job look difficult.

 What do I usually do? 

I focus on the positives and ignore the negatives! That has been my source of inspiration daily. You can never choose who to like and who to hate. You have to learn to tolerate everyone that comes across your path in life. It may be tough to do, but when we see beyond their human frailty and become flexible enough to accommodate their weaknesses, it will be easy to tolerate them. 

It is only an unwise person that would expect to be loved and appreciated by everyone that comes across his/her path in life. The truth is, some will deliberately want to hurt you and see your reaction. On the other hand, some will go out of their way to support, inspire, and make you see things differently.

 It’s all about our willingness to have an open mind. There are always few bumps here and there, but we must keep striving and never look back in regrets. We must realize that we too are not perfect.

Benefits

Learning the act of tolerating others is a sign of maturity. A sign that we are growing up and letting go of yesterday’s pains and disappointments. There are three main reasons why we need to tolerate others:

1. It helps your inner peace:

 When you are unable to tolerate others, there is an absence of inner peace that develops over time. Their presence seems to irritate you and it can create anxiety and depression if not properly handled. 

2. Nobody is perfect and that includes you:

Everyone has their strength and weaknesses. As individuals, if we are sincere to ourselves, we’ll discover we too have our flaws. What that means is that when we come across people who aren’t nice to us, let’s see them as work in progress. An unfinished product that requires lots of patience and understanding to handle. 

3. We can’t love if we can’t tolerate others.

Love is one of the most amazing feelings in life. Apart from desiring to be loved, we must always look out for opportunities to shower love on others. They may not necessarily deserve it, but it helps to plant an amazing seed on their inside.

When people expect you to hate them and what they end up seeing his you showering them with love, it can change their attitude and help them become better persons. It’s not always about us. We can always find happiness when we share happiness with others. 

Is happiness a choice?

Is happiness a choice?

Most times, we feel that when we set goals for ourselves, get our dream jobs, start earning more money, buy our dream house, be in a perfect relationship, get married,….. etc we automatically become happy. But we soon realize that achieving these goals doesn’t give us the happiness that we are craving for.

True lasting happiness is an inner state only you can give to yourself. You have to work towards your happiness the same way you work towards everything else in life. Happy people are not held hostage by their circumstances and do not seek for happiness in people or possessions.

The answer is Yes

Is Happiness a Choice? Quite frankly, the answer is YES! Knowing that happiness is a choice is not enough. By choosing to embrace happiness, you are taking responsibility for your satisfaction.

How then can you choose to be happy when someone has hurt you badly? When circumstances beyond your control are giving you so much pain? Are you doing the things you need to do to achieve happiness or are you letting your emotions take control of you?

If you are struggling to find the root of happiness, incorporate these strategies into your daily life in other to feel happier.

Determine what happiness means to you:

Just as Theodore Roosevelt said, “comparison is the thief of joy”. Comparing yourself with others will only result in unhappiness. Happiness can only come into your life when you love who you are and you are choosing to be the best you can be. Until you have attained that state of belief in you, living a happy life will be completely out of your reach.

Choose meaningful relationships / interactions:

According to Dan Buettner “the people you surround yourself with influence your behaviors, so choose friends who have healthy habits”. Surround yourself and interacts with the people who reflect the person you want to be.

Search for benefits in your pain:

At some point in our lives, we all go through pains and trials. No one can escape from it. Learn to remind yourself always that the trials will pass away. Rather, search deeply to find meaning and benefits within those pains and trials.

Understand how happiness works for you:

We all have different personalities in life. Some of us find it easier to be happy while others do not. Once this works out, then it becomes easier for you to identify what makes you happy.

Besides, happiness is not just a choice but also a daily practice that requires time, consistency, effort, and dedication. Since happiness is a choice, start finding things in your life that you are grateful for. According to Ralph Marson “happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy”

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