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Tag: marriage

Seven Things to Consider when Choosing a Life Partner

Seven Things to Consider when Choosing a Life Partner

The choice of a life partner is the most critical choice of your life. Oftentimes, we conjure pictures in our mind on our would-be life partners would be or look like. Some would go-ahead to make a list of mandatory specifics such as he/she must be handsome, beautiful, tall, short, slim, chubby, fat, must be rich, educated, and presentable e.t.c. It is good to have these kinds of ideas but you need to stop and ask yourself what is truly important to consider before saying I do? There are so many things to consider and be aware of before you embark on the journey of marriage. Some of the basic factors to consider are: 

Faith

This plays a major role in marriage. If you practice a particular faith, how important is it that your partner share the same faith and practice it with you? How does faith affect your lifestyle? What faith do you want to raise your children in? In choosing a spouse, you are mindful of going for someone of different beliefs from yours. Being nice and morally upright isn’t the criteria to justify this point but being of the same faith with your future spouse will save you from so many dramas and trouble in your home.

Companionship

One of the main reasons for marriage is companionship and friendship. Don’t marry a stranger and hope you will become compatible overnight. Don’t try to make your spouse your friend but out of your friends choose a partner. When you meet someone on the level of friendship before you get married, it is difficult to fake the relationship. After the romance and sex are gone, it is the friendship that will keep the relationship going. 

Communication

It is the foundation of a happy, healthy, and long-lasting marriage. It is about truly understanding each other. Once there is a dichotomy in your speaking and understanding level, you can’t enjoy that marriage. Can you truly talk to her and can she truly talk to you? Don’t marry someone who is rigid and not open to new ideas, new ways of doing things, or innovations. Communication is so important because several occasions will arise in a marriage where you and your partner would need to sit, discuss, and figure things out.

 Character

What is his / her behavior like? Is there self-control? Is he/she consistently angry or violent? Is he or she abusive: physically, verbally, or emotionally? Does he/ she snap at you, belittle you or always put you down?  It is good to marry someone you love, but looks aren’t enough. Life is full of beautiful women and handsome/ rich men but not all that glitters is gold.

Sex

Marry someone you have sexual feelings for. Sex plays a vital role in the success of any marriage. If you don’t have emotional feelings for your future spouse, it is a recipe for misunderstanding and broken relationships. You both should understand this fundamental aspect of marriage and adapt as soon as possible. Sex and romance are a non-negotiable part of marriage! You will flirt with each other and you will make babies. So, marry someone you can connect with sexually.  it will create more intimacy between you and your partner.

Compatibility

This is the ability of both of you to get along. Having certain strengths/ things that complement each other. Make sure you check basic issues such as:

(a) Values: Do both of you share the same perspective about life? 

(b) The purpose of life: Where you are going to determine who will go with you. You must, first of all, discover your purpose for life before choosing a partner for life. Make sure you marry someone that can accommodate your vision and appreciate what you are called to do in life.

Hence, it is important to know how compatible you are with your partner. There must be a certain level of compatibility. If the gulf between you both is too wide, it may create challenges in the future

When choosing a spouse please be very careful of undue influences. Make sure you are choosing someone that has the real qualities that can sustain a home. Let your choices be based on true love and friendship. Marriage is a commitment the both of you must want to go along with willingly. If the man/ woman doesn’t appreciate you enough to marry you please let them go. Someone that will appreciate you will come.

Broken hearts and shattered relationships

The subject of love and relationships is so sensitive, as several things need to be considered. Every relationship must be built on Love. Unfortunately, not everyone understands the concept of Love.  Love has no fixed definition, as it means different things to different people. I would, however, define love as the process whereby two different individuals express mutual feelings towards one another. This feeling may later culminate into marriage.

If you have ever fallen in love before, you will understand that love has to do with emotions and heart. I have seen partners fallen in and out of love. Two hearts that were one suddenly torn apart. How do you explain two friends who were in love suddenly becoming enemies? And the questions I kept on asking myself, was what went wrong? I cannot claim to have all the answers, but I am sharing some of my experience with the hope that they may unravel the mystery of broken hearts and broken relationships.

Unresolved relationships in the past 
When one of the parties still has an unresolved relationship in the past, this can create a lot of tension in the relationship and eventually lead to a breakup. I have seen cases where a partner still visits old boyfriends or girlfriends without the consent of the other partner. Some do it ignorantly while some still harbor a secret love for their ex.

Broken promises 
Promise are sacred and must be honored by partners in a relationship. Unfortunately, this is not often the case, as one or both of the partners can deliberately or unknowingly break a promise that was made in trust and confidence. One common feature under broken promises is the issue of lying to each other. Some individuals are perpetual liars and this can destroy a relationship faster than any other factor. Be true to each other and learn to keep promises made.

Misplaced priority 
I was once in a relationship with someone so dear to my heart. We both loved each other passionately. The relationship was going to the third year when I asked her certain questions about our future. Her response showed that our priorities were not the same. She had different plans while I was thinking of something else. This brought some tears and distraught, but we could not go ahead in the relationship because it was heading nowhere.

Insincerity 
This is the process whereby partners keep secrets from each other and are not 100% honest in their dealings. When any of the partners sense this unusual habit, it can create a serious crack in a relationship, which can eventually lead to its collapse. Any serious relationship must be built on sincerity, trust, and integrity.

Infidelity 
Not everyone can stomach the idea of seeing his/her partner sneaking around with other men or women. Where there is true love, infidelity cannot exist. Apart from the humiliation of seeing one’s partner messing around; it can also expose both partners to sexually transmitted diseases. The ability to be faithful to one partner will help build a solid bond of love that cannot be easily broken.

Immaturity 
One of the criteria for a lasting relationship is the ability of the partners to display maturity and understanding. Unfortunately, some jump into relationships unprepared, and they end up disappointed. Maturity is not all about age, as I have seen men who are more than 35 years old behaving like little kids. Maturity is a function of the mind and its ability to cope with pressure, stress, and difficulties. There is no perfect relationship on earth, and the sooner people realize this, the better for them. When a misunderstanding arises, partners must resolve it amicably without succumbing to external or peer pressure.

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