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judge

Don’t judge others without showing kindness

We often judge people when in fact we have no reason to do so. From a distance, it is easy to even condemn others and call them names, because we don’t care about them.

The question is: “Have we taken out time to show kindness before we judge them”? Do we know what they are going through on the inside? To build takes time, but to condemn only takes a few minutes.

People may not be as bad as they are been painted. Rather than judge or condemn them unfairly, take out time to first show them kindness.

I recently stumbled on a beautiful story online. It depicts the essence of showing true love rather than been hasty in passing out judgment on others. A story that teaches us the need for patience and kindness.

A couple had been married for several years without a child. For companionship, they bought a Rottweiler puppy, named it Miley, and loved her like a child.

The dog had access to all the rooms in the house. The puppy grew to become a large, beautiful dog and had on several occasions saved the couples from robbery. Miley was always faithful, loyal, and defended its owners against many dangers.

Seven years later, the couple was blessed with the long-awaited son. They were very happy with their son and naturally decreased the attention they had given to the dog. Miley felt neglected and began to get jealous of the baby.

One day the couple left the baby sleeping peacefully in his cradle and went to the terrace to prepare a roast. They were shocked as they were heading to the nursery and saw Miley in the hallway with a bloody mouth, wagging its tail.

The dog’s owner thought the worst, they pulled out weapons and began to beat the dog they had loved for many years… after so much beating, they killed the dog… then they rushed to the baby’s room, there was blood everywhere and blood dripping from the baby’s cot… they slowly walked to the cot and found a beheaded snake very close to the baby.


Miley killed the giant snake. Then they realized they had butchered an innocent dog who was faithful to its death. There was a pang of instant guilt that enveloped them when they realized how cruelly they had misjudged Miley’s intention.

How often have we misjudged people without finding out facts? How easy do you give up on those who are faithful to you? What the heart sees is far greater than what the eye sees.
Never judge people by their looks, present situation, and present lifestyle.


Most of us judge people by what we expect them to be, without finding out who they are. Not everyone can relate to you exactly what they feel and how they feel about you!!

How I wish Miley could talk. She would have expressed her love for her owners. The next time we are tempted to judge and condemn anyone, kindly remember the story of a faithful dog, Miley. 

Ignore the haters

Ignore the haters

Someone once described haters as “people who whisper your success, but broadcast your failure”. They are always there no matter how you try to shake them off. Don’t even attempt to please them, because the more you do, the more they would keep hating on you.

Those who aren’t successful in life, don’t have issues with haters, because they are already down. The focus is always on those who aspire to achieve their dreams and goals in life. The more successful you are in life, the more the hate.

Eight years ago, when I bought my first call, not all my friends were happy with me. Some secretly envied me and with envy came hatred. It got worse when I started making real progress in my career.

How I dealt with haters

I focused on those who are happy to have me around and ignored the haters. This has worked quite well for me, because the more I ignore them, the quicker they disappeared. They realized that I wasn’t ready to take their hate seriously, and so they gave up hating on me.

Don’t get distracted

It is easier to get distracted when people say hurtful words about us. A young lady who was in an abusive relationship and had grown to hate herself shared her experience. “Each day was like hell on earth. I tried all I could to please him, but the more I did, the more he hated me. I felt I was not good enough. At a point, I had to break up with him, when the abuse was affecting me emotionally.

Those were the most difficult periods of my life. I became overweight, as I wasn’t watching my diet anymore. When I left Dave, I did all I could to gain back my confidence. It was a real struggle because I had almost lost everything. My self-worth was all gone. I had zero self-confidence and I was standing at the very edge of a mental breakdown.

Relocating to a new city and finding a new job gave me a fresh lease of life. It was like a heavy burden had been lifted off my fragile shoulder. For once I was getting my groove back and I loved it. The bad energy was all gone and I was able to make new friends.

Two years after, I fell in love with someone whom I refer to as my sunshine. He erased all the hate toxins that David had deposited in me. I realized that life always gives us a second chance to become who we truly want to become in life. Love triumphed over hate and I was the happiest soul that ever lived”

Never pay evil with evil

There is always the temptation to hate those who hate you. Unfortunately, that may not be the right approach. Like Martin Luther, King Jnr said: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that

We must always find a way to forgive those who hate without reason. Love them and always find a place in your heart to forgive them. Hopefully, they would see a reason to stop hating and start loving.

Get Inspired by hate

Some call them haters, but I would prefer to call them motivators. Let the actions of the few that hate you push you to greater heights. Keep using the stone of hate thrown at you, to build a platform that will inspire you towards your goals in life.

On the 14th of October 2019, Bulgaria hosted England in a Euro 2020 Qualifier. The match was almost marred with monkey chants each time England winger Raheem Sterling was on the ball. Raheem refused to allow racial abuse to weigh him down. It rather motivated him to put in his best performance in the color of England. He went ahead to score a brace, as England thumped Bulgaria 6-0.

When death puts two lovebirds apart

When death puts two lovebirds apart

A Painful experience

Death of a loved one is one of the most painful experiences ever imagined. I could recall when I lost my Dad years back. It took me quite a while to recover from the pain and heartache. He loved me so dearly and always made sure I was happy.

What is even more touching is the sudden death of a spouse. Some find it so hard to deal with the trauma. More than 14 years ago, someone, I knew personally, died after a brief illness. He was so close to the wife. They were like Siamese twins.

The wife struggled to cope with the demise of her husband. Three weeks after the death of her best friend, she fell ill and died also. That’s how tough it is, dealing with the demise of a loved one.

I love poetry so much, and yesterday I saw a very emotional poem about the demise of a loved one. It is a touching tribute. Death indeed can create a vacuum that oftentimes, can never be filled.

If tomorrow starts without me

If tomorrow starts without me, and I’m not there to see. If the sun should rise and find your eyes All filled with tears for me. I wish so much you wouldn’t cry the way you did today. While thinking of the many things we didn’t get to say.

I know how much you love me, As much as I love you, and each time that you think of me, I know you’ll miss me too; But when tomorrow starts without me, Please try to understand, that an angel came and called my name, And took me by the hand.

And said my place was ready, in heaven far above, And that I’d have to leave behind all those I dearly love. But as I turned to walk away, A tear fell from my eye, For all my life, I’d always thought, I didn’t want to die.

I had so much to live for, So much left yet to do, it seemed almost impossible, that I was leaving you. I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad, I thought of all that we had shared, and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday, Just even for a while, I’d say good-bye and kiss you and maybe see you smile. But then I fully realized, that this could never be, for emptiness and memories, would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow, I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow. But when I walked through heaven’s gates, I felt so much at home. When God looked down and smiled at me, From His great golden throne,

He said, “This is eternity and all I’ve promised you.” Today your life on earth is past, but here life starts anew. I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last, and since each day is the same way, there’s no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful, So trusting and so true. Though there were times you did some things, you knew you shouldn’t do. But you have been forgiven, and now, at last, you’re free. So won’t you come and take my hand, and share my life with me

So when tomorrow starts without me, don’t think we’re far apart, for every time you think of me, I’m right here, in your heart.”

Strength for the Journey

Death indeed separated two lovebirds and made what would have been a beautiful union end in tears. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, and though sometimes we are helpless, we do wish that we grow old with the one we love.

I once lost a very dear friend to the cold hand of death. I couldn’t believe he was gone until we all went to the morgue to see his corpse. It was an unforgettable experience. Death had dug a huge hollow in my heart.

Omoefe was always cheerful, kind, and gentle. Unfortunately, he fell ill and couldn’t recover. He was just 17. He was extremely talented and blessed with artistry gifts. Death ensured those gifts never so the light of the day.

To those who have lost a loved one, always take solace in the forever love that was shared. The beautiful memories will keep your heart glow and give you strength for the journey.

Learning to tolerate someone's excesses is one of the toughest tests to handle. Some individuals can stretch your patience level, but you must learn to tolerate them.

Tolerate everyone that comes your way

Learn to accept people for who they are. You will always come across the good, the bad, and the not so nice. That shouldn’t stop you from being you. At my place of work, I’ve come across very nice people. They make my job look so easy. I’ve also come across people that are so difficult. They make my job look difficult.

 What do I usually do? 

I focus on the positives and ignore the negatives! That has been my source of inspiration daily. You can never choose who to like and who to hate. You have to learn to tolerate everyone that comes across your path in life. It may be tough to do, but when we see beyond their human frailty and become flexible enough to accommodate their weaknesses, it will be easy to tolerate them. 

It is only an unwise person that would expect to be loved and appreciated by everyone that comes across his/her path in life. The truth is, some will deliberately want to hurt you and see your reaction. On the other hand, some will go out of their way to support, inspire, and make you see things differently.

 It’s all about our willingness to have an open mind. There are always few bumps here and there, but we must keep striving and never look back in regrets. We must realize that we too are not perfect.

Benefits

Learning the act of tolerating others is a sign of maturity. A sign that we are growing up and letting go of yesterday’s pains and disappointments. There are three main reasons why we need to tolerate others:

1. It helps your inner peace:

 When you are unable to tolerate others, there is an absence of inner peace that develops over time. Their presence seems to irritate you and it can create anxiety and depression if not properly handled. 

2. Nobody is perfect and that includes you:

Everyone has their strength and weaknesses. As individuals, if we are sincere to ourselves, we’ll discover we too have our flaws. What that means is that when we come across people who aren’t nice to us, let’s see them as work in progress. An unfinished product that requires lots of patience and understanding to handle. 

3. We can’t love if we can’t tolerate others.

Love is one of the most amazing feelings in life. Apart from desiring to be loved, we must always look out for opportunities to shower love on others. They may not necessarily deserve it, but it helps to plant an amazing seed on their inside.

When people expect you to hate them and what they end up seeing his you showering them with love, it can change their attitude and help them become better persons. It’s not always about us. We can always find happiness when we share happiness with others. 

Is happiness a choice?

Is happiness a choice?

Most times, we feel that when we set goals for ourselves, get our dream jobs, start earning more money, buy our dream house, be in a perfect relationship, get married,….. etc we automatically become happy. But we soon realize that achieving these goals doesn’t give us the happiness that we are craving for.

True lasting happiness is an inner state only you can give to yourself. You have to work towards your happiness the same way you work towards everything else in life. Happy people are not held hostage by their circumstances and do not seek for happiness in people or possessions.

The answer is Yes

Is Happiness a Choice? Quite frankly, the answer is YES! Knowing that happiness is a choice is not enough. By choosing to embrace happiness, you are taking responsibility for your satisfaction.

How then can you choose to be happy when someone has hurt you badly? When circumstances beyond your control are giving you so much pain? Are you doing the things you need to do to achieve happiness or are you letting your emotions take control of you?

If you are struggling to find the root of happiness, incorporate these strategies into your daily life in other to feel happier.

Determine what happiness means to you:

Just as Theodore Roosevelt said, “comparison is the thief of joy”. Comparing yourself with others will only result in unhappiness. Happiness can only come into your life when you love who you are and you are choosing to be the best you can be. Until you have attained that state of belief in you, living a happy life will be completely out of your reach.

Choose meaningful relationships / interactions:

According to Dan Buettner “the people you surround yourself with influence your behaviors, so choose friends who have healthy habits”. Surround yourself and interacts with the people who reflect the person you want to be.

Search for benefits in your pain:

At some point in our lives, we all go through pains and trials. No one can escape from it. Learn to remind yourself always that the trials will pass away. Rather, search deeply to find meaning and benefits within those pains and trials.

Understand how happiness works for you:

We all have different personalities in life. Some of us find it easier to be happy while others do not. Once this works out, then it becomes easier for you to identify what makes you happy.

Besides, happiness is not just a choice but also a daily practice that requires time, consistency, effort, and dedication. Since happiness is a choice, start finding things in your life that you are grateful for. According to Ralph Marson “happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy”

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